He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
