I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
