Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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