If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nutella sex= disaster
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
