i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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