just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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