He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
