I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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