My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
