Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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