is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
