This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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