before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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