I'm so fucking centered right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
