Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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