And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
