Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
