i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize