i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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