so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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