Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
