If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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