i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
