My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
