If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
