Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
