"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
me + whiskey = a bad person
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
