he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
