I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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