i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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