I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
