I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
