College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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