Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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