Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
