I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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