you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
