hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
