So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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