I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
