I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
