I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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