they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
