I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
