I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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