coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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