are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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