I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
