i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
