I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
