Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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