I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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