Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
